AHHH!! One cloudy scary night there was a curly haired girl called Hazel and these 2 boys named Tommy and Danny. At night time Hazel got a phone call she says "hello" all she hears is breathing. Poor girl gets frightened and runs to the door and locks it click clack! After that there is another phone call she says "hello" very slowly and quietly because she is frightened from the first call. She is relieved, it is just Dany. Dany tells her to come over and see something. Hazel gets into the car and dives to Dany's house. When he hears the ring at the door he sacks all his knifes Dannys knives were as sharp as a blade . Hazel goes inside Dany tells her I am going to kill you, Hazel shouts " stuff you!" and runs upstairs. Dany shouts " I am going to find you and then I will kill you." Tommy goes to Dany's house. Tommy sees Dany trying to kill Hazel and he finds a cricket bat next to the kitchen door. Tommy grabs it and hits Danny over the head and he fell over with a thud! Hazel gets up and runs to Tommy and thanks him for saving her life. Finally when the night drew in, she was glad it was over.
An terrific effort Joan. You have written a great story and I like the way you have highlighted examples of the success criteria you have met. Ka pai.
ReplyDeleteHe tino pai to mahi - your work is great!